I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
