He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
