So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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