bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
