Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
