you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
