Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
