And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
