When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
