FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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