ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
