Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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