saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
