Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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