My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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