Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
