I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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