Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
