I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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