Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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