Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
