ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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