Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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