If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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