I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
