This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
