Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
