Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
