We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
