The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
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