I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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