if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
