when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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