i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
