omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
