his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
