Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
