there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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