when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
