Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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