just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize