She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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