he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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