I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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