My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
