so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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