i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
