Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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