I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
