TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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