Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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