If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
