Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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