Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
