picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
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Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
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It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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