last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
