Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
