now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
