I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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