but the lizard people decide everything anyway
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
