Yo dont text me then not text me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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