Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize