The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
