just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
