we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
that is very illegal...i love you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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