I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
